A new chapter. A new adventure.
And just like that, my life changed overnight.
Change has never been scary for me. In most situations I embrace it. Probably because I get bored so easily. New ideas, new trends, new technology. They all keep me feeling alive. But then there’s the change that challenges your core being and makes you search your soul. The past week I left my dream job after 14 years of blood, sweat and tears; was betrayed by my best friend in ways that I never thought were possible; reached the three year anniversary of my dad’s death, a man who I still miss daily; stopped dating a guy that made me see life in new and rewarding ways; and chipped a tooth in half in a moment of tears and angst. Okay, the tooth wasn’t life changing, but it did make me think What. The. God. Damn. Actual. Fuck.
Leaving a job after 14 years, by choice or not, can be a bit traumatic and devastating . But as I was clearing out my most personal items from my office, I saw the little card that someone at my, now past, job left behind. Remember what you are. A mother f#%&ing superstar. When I first found the card a few years ago it sang to me. Just a simple white card with black type in a weird font. Five inspiring words. A mother fucking superstar. I pinned it up on my bulletin board in my office. Anytime I had a crappy day, I would look at that card and think to myself; You ARE a mother fucking superstar. And I would believe it. That little white piece of paper with pin holes spoke to me every single time. It was fitting that as I walked out of my office for the last time, that paper would catch my eye. I grabbed it along with my jacket and bag and smiled beneath my COVID 19 mask. I am a Mother. Fucking. Superstar.
The next few days were a blur. I could feel my old life slipping away but felt oddly calm and somehow hopeful. It didn’t make much sense - just five days prior, despite the pandemic, my life was joyful, stable, flirty and full. But it was also dark, repressed and empty. I was tired. I needed to be grounded. I needed to reignite the fire that burns in my soul. I needed to see the sunrise in the southwest with red rock formations in the foreground. I needed to see the warm sun set on the Pacific Ocean as I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. I needed the wind to take my troubles away. (Thanks for the line Jay Farrar!)
After a multitude of hours of processing my recent losses, sobbing while my puppers tried to cheer me up by licking my tears away, conversing with my sister while she listened endlessly to me pour out my emotions, I decided to take a few months to travel west and rekindle my passions.
