Ya done good.
One of my favorite photos of my dad, is of him standing on a dune at White Sands National Park. The sun is casting a vintage golden glow creating a magical ambiance and producing an appearance of being in another world. In the photo he doesn’t look the same as I remember. He’s a little more handsome, hip and relaxed than the man I call dad.
Between the I-know-everything age of 16 and the age of I-know-what-I-am doing, aka, my twenties, my dad would bellow out “the older you get, the wiser I become” mantra as I routinely disregarded his sage advice and stubbornly made foolish decisions. At the time, I would roll my eyes and think, in my LA surfer girl slang, “whatEVER dad. Like I have a brain, okaayyy.” But then I hit about 28 and realized how wise my dad really was and how much I didn’t actually know about life.
The past two months I have been missing his wisdom. A lot. He was my best friend. My mentor. My go to. I could call him on my darkest days and the sound of joy in his voice when he answered the phone, knowing it was me, with his predictable “hello dere” greeting, would immediately raise my spirits. What I would give to here that greeting one more time.
I have dreamed of visiting White Sands National Park ever since I came across this photo as an homage to him. As I planned my trip to Austin, I chose a route that would take me from Tucson through New Mexico and by the national park. I stopped at a BLM campsite outside of Las Cruces, called Aguirre Spring Campground in the Organ Mountains.
The campground was surprisingly empty and very beautiful. Khaleesi and I went for a short hike after setting up camp. The sunset was beautiful and the view from our campsite was majestic. I couldn’t help but wonder if wise ole dad was watching over us as the sun drifted down the horizon and cast a golden glow on the mountains.
As I settled in for the night and slipped into my cozy make shift bed in the back of the RAV4, fighting for leg room with Khaleesi, I thought about the many decisions I hade to make in the foreseeable future. Where will I live….What will I do for work…..Should I be looking for a job instead of traveling…. Am I making the right choices…. My familiar friend anxiety started to creep up and cast shadows on the brightness I was feeling.
My stomach started churning and I tossed and turned, feeling claustrophobic and uneasy. I took a few deep breaths and tried to push the overwhelming thoughts out of my head. I just wanted to be in the present and embrace the road before me. And then I remembered another mantra from the very wise book of dadisms; “you ought to let the world take a spin without you.” I chuckled, turned over one last time in my sleeping bag and mumbled, “thanks dad” as I fell asleep.
The next morning I felt refreshed and back on track as I watched the golden yellow sun rise up once again. I wanted to beat the heat of the day and set out early to hike around White Sands. Khaleesi was with me and we were ready for a new adventure. The dunes looked completely different than what I imagined or how they appeared in the photo. Instead the sky was a bright shade of cobalt blue and the sand was white like freshly fallen snow. The texture was smooth, silky and cool to the touch. I had never felt sand so soft and velvety.
We hiked along the Alkali Flat Trail, which was not flat by any means. We traveled up and down dunes watching families sled down the flawless sandy hills, smiling, laughing and bonding from the experience. As I stood and watched, a bit of sand blew over my hiking boots and ever so quietly, I heard the wind whisper, in that familiar fatherly voice, “Ya done good”.
